Life of a Squid

Still can’t sleep

I checked out the les miz characters… Dang GURL I might actually have a chance…. Maybe? Let’s see one contralto (oh hello… I can sing low alto notes…) 2 mezzos… Ohh hey who can sing mezzo..? And a soprano. Kay well the soprano is useless to me. But the other three are a possibility. WHO THE HELLS GONNA BE JEAN VALJEAN THOUGH? So many male parts o:

Can’t sleep again

I’m so tired. But I can’t. My face hurts from how tired I am but I just can’t.

A few of the introvert qualities I possess:

- I don’t like having a lot of close friends, I mean “friends” I talk to are fine, but best friends I actually TALK to are different. I like having 1 best friend only, but occasionally I end up with 2… Ugh
- I hate celebrating my birthday with people. I’ve spent my last 4 or 5 birthdays eating food and cake with my parents. I kind of like it.
- I hate talking to people I don’t know
- I don’t like going out much I’d rather sleep at home alone
- I hate being in large groups because I feel like I don’t fit in (I realized it today…)
- I’m too lazy to converse with people other than a few people
- I don’t trust people

Interesting.

Les Miserables.

-SOB-

Can’t sleep, here’s my late night thoughts for y’all

One problem i think I have is bottling it all up. With feeling depressed for a while I pretend it’s not there and it goes away. Abuse in the past I try to let go. My personal flaws I hide. Cutting, starving, vomiting, crying, everything, I have no trust in telling anyone. I hate people thinking I’m not okay. I want to feel okay, even if I pretend. I’m fine. I always end up fine. They’re like scars, they fade and eventually lighten and fade enough to be invisible. All I want is to be alone now. Who cares about the past? I just want to forget it all. I’ll always hate myself but if I can momentarily brush it off I think I’ll be okay. I don’t need help, all I need is myself. Alone. A time to be alone and think of all I’ve done and what it means. I want to discover myself, but I want to do it alone. I’m just a normal person. In the end I hate everyone like me though. I hate the people who have suffered. I hate them because I know how it feels, and it annoys me for some reason. I felt alone when I was sad. I want to forget it all. Forget the incident. Forget that I was gonna get therapy. Forget there was anything wrong. Forget I was sad. Forget the anger. Forget everything. Forget the attempted consolation. Forget the friends who tried to help. Forget the people who forced me to try to get help. Forget the people who saw my weak side. I want to forget the whole nightmare I conjured on my own. The whole thing was in my head. There was no real problem. Forget it all.

My body hurts. But for some reason my soul aches thinking about this stupid shit. My heart hurts thinking of how stupid and stained I am. God IM WEAK. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This one time,

I had a dream one of my good friends got possessed, it was scary. Poor guy.